"Bubble Boy"

I have to do it, I have to blog about this mess. My friend called me yesterday and told me to put on CNN, and I honestly thought this lil'boy was in that balloon. I couldnt figure out why/how he was in there but I was soo scared for him. When that balloon landed and he wasnt in there and wanted to cry because I was sure he had fallen out...but then I got to thinking (along with the reporters) that there is no way for him to fall out, there were no holes in it. I thought that he was scared and hiding...like it claims. Then I saw the larry king interview last night, and that poor little boy didnt know what to say. When that little boy said something about "i thought it was all for a show" I thought he was mixed up, until the dad started fidgeting and trying to cover up what that little boy said...I was like "this father made it all up". THEN I woke up and watched the interview on the Today show, the little boy puking and all (which i thought was soo funny because the dad looked like he was about to blow too) then the father got really upset because people are not believing the story. To me it just doesnt add up. There is something that is missing, and I dont think that little boy would of hid for 3 hours. Their story is that he hid cause the dad yelled at him....well then why did the other boy say that he was up in the balloon? It honestly doesnt add up at all...this situation is all weird. As of right now I am not convinced. I cant wait to see what comes of this. What ticks me off the most, I missed Days of Our Lives yesterday to watch this balloon...UGH!

Nikki

Its been awhile.

Oh has it been awhile since I have updated, and I need to apologize for that. Life got in the way! (lol). Honestly, I have been in this depressed mode lately...but I got to the docs and Im feeling way better. Let me explain. I was on Zoloft for the past 2-3 years. Before I got pregnant with Xavier I was on Effexor for my anxiety and depression, but I had to change meds when I was pregnant. I think I just got used to the Zoloft because I got to the point I didnt want to do anything, I had no sex drive at all...I didnt even want to clean my house. I went to the doctor about 2 weeks ago, and I got back on my Effexor and I am seriously like a new person. Andrew and I had to make the decision that we are on hold with the baby making for the time being. I also have to work on myself. I weighed in at the doctors and I weigh more now then when I went in to have Xavier. That made me sick. I cant believe I let myself go like that. I was doing good and then I put on a lot of weight. Im not blaming my thyroid, but he said it could be that because with all the blood work its not working correctly, so I am on meds for that, which he is going to up in about 4 weeks when I go back to see him. I just cant believe how good I feel on the Effexor. I clean everyday, I just am all together in a better mood....and Andrew likes it because my sex drive is back....and its back 120%! hahaha. Lovely.

Another BIG update, the Pa Budget finally got signed a few days ago so that means I am going to start getting paid again. Thank goodness, I thought I was never going to have money again! We are excited to get that big check. I have soo many plans and things that need to get done....I just cant wait. The one thing I am doing....Christmas shopping lay away. That is at the top of my list, so that will be taken care of and out of the way! WHOO HOO! .

I went on my much needed girls weekend last week. It was soo needed, and soo nice. We went to the little bar, and just had a good time sitting next to the camp fire all night. It was just a nice calm weekend. We actually went up Friday night and came home Sunday afternoon...so it was 2 nights away from my house. I of coursed missed my 2 guys, but not as much as I did last year. (Xavier was a baby)...this year was just nice. I think they liked having their "man weekend" together anyway! haha. Sooo cute.

Well, like I said before, the baby making is on hold...it just has to be. I need to get myself together...which I am going to turn this blog into. I hope that doesnt matter, and I hope everyone still enjoys my posts. I am still 100% going to blog about my experiences and getting DVT's and Pulmonary Awareness out there to everyone. I am just going to take you on my little journey to getting myself together, losing weight, and my life. I still plan on being open and honest about anything and everything...!

Love,
Nikki

Pennsylvania State Budget/Pittsburgh G-20.....lovely.

I feel like the world is going is fast forward lately, and my broke butt is sitting still. It is like I am sitting here waiting on the state to decide when they want to pass this budget so I can get paid. Im still not getting paid, and its really starting to hurt. It really is, I have no idea what we are going to do if something isnt done soon. Im sick of wondering when someone is going to do something. Then I sit here and think of the day cares that are not getting paid, there is always someone worse then me....and I try to remember that. As I try to remember that, my selfish side thinks "who cares" because the bill collectors are not going to excuse me because there is someone worse then me. lol.

Another worry I have is this G-20 summit is coming to Pittsburgh next week. I am so sick of hearing about it, but I just want it to get here and be done with. They are preparing so much for it, and all the security. Ugh...I just dont want the protests to be like they were at the last one in England (I think it was there). Then I do the craziest thing. I told everyone "We are not leaving the house those days...blah blah blah" I made Xavier and I doctor appts for next Thursday, the first day of it. Lovely. I had to though because Andrew took vacation days because of all this craziness...and that is the only time that I could get the doctor appointments out of the way. Lovely.

I am nervous about my doctor appt. I keep having a pain in my abdomen. I have myself convinced that I have Pancreatic Cancer...and now that Patrick Swayzie died, and that is all I am hearing about it makes me more nervous. I honestly think that it is a hernia from when I had my Gallbladder out, but I am still nervous because I have been soo tired lately and I just dont feel like doing anything. Then that can be from being broke and just being depressed about that. I always think something bad is wrong with me ever since I had the clots. I think of the worst because I always think "what else could go wrong with me." I hate it. I am wondering what is wrong with me though. I have more then a week to wait, and its killing me to see what my doctor says. He is probably going to think I am crazy. I know he is going to yell at me because I have gained weight and not lost any, but that goes with me not wanting to do anything, Im lucky I get dressed some days. I am on Zoloft, and I honestly dont think it is working, I either need more or I need something different. Another thing that I dont have is a sex drive. It seriously is just not there. It is not anything to do with Andrew or anything like that, it is just me. I hate it. I think I need a different kinda med...so that is another thing that I need to talk to the doctor about. Sucks.

Okay, I am going to go chill out with Xavier. I have cramps from hell today and I just want to lay on the couch, but I know Xavier is not going to let me do that because he is just in a bad mood today. I hope me and him both can nap....I want to take a long long long nap. lol.

*yawn*

I swear these days go by soo slow, and there is still no light at the end of the "not signed budget". I feel like this blog is turning into me complaining about the budget, I didnt want this blog to be about me ranting about the money we have and dont have. i really wanted this to be about trying to have another baby and what i have to go through due to my health history....but i want this blog to be as real as possible, so this is what is going on in my life right now....and unfortunately that means trying to have another baby is on hold for right now. Hopefully that wont last for too much longer.

Andrew took Xavier with him to his dads this evening, that gives me some more quiet time. I wish I could go upstairs and take a nap, that is what I would really like to do, but Xavier emptied out his toy box all over the living room floor this afternoon, so that needs to be cleaned, then I have all the dishes from today to put in the dishwasher and get some dinner ready. UGH. I swear its never ending. I should be doing that now....but I just felt like sitting here blogging for a minute since tonight is going to be busy and I am hoping to get to bed earlier tonight. I stayed up til 2am this morning getting 2 digital scrap kits up in my store. I wanted to start a new one today but I just have no creativity left in me right now. I think one I get upstairs knowing I have a clean house I will be able to think about what I want to do next.

Okay, let me get this house cleaned...I dont want Andrew to come home to a messy house (again). haha.

talk later.

.life.

I am so happy for cooler weather. I am completely ready for fall to get here. It is 100% my favorite time of the year. I havent updated in a few days, I just havent had the energy to do anything. Xavier and I spent the night at my mom and dads again Thursday night....and that is pretty much what has been going on. Im still waiting for Pennsylvania to sign the budget so I can get paid. I am so depressed that we have to be on such a tight budget. I have bills coming it and the more they come in the more depressed I get because I know we have 100% no money to spend after bills. I cant take it anymore. Its soo not fair, I cant believe how much we really rely on the babysitting money that was coming in. It just makes me sick. I guess PA is supposed to start talking more about it this week. If they dont do something this coming week there are going to be hundreds of day cares closing. I dont understand, if they passed a little bit of the budget to get state workers paid, why cant they pass another part of it to keep day cares going strong? It just doesnt make sense to me. If they close day cares people are going to have the quit their jobs because they have no where to send their kids. Why doesnt my state care about that? I would think that would be up there in priority with getting state works paid, but i guess it doesnt. I guess low income families are not on the minds of PA....it just saddens me.

We really have no big plans this weekend. I think we are going to go to Andrews moms house across the street tonight for awhile to visit. Its soo weird, we live soo close to them yet we hardly see them. I feel bad, its just that our lives are soo busy. I would think it would be the other way around, we would see them more then my parents, its odd....I think its because they have 2 younger girls and they always have something going on.

Im still trying to ignore the pain in my right leg. I really dont understand why it keeps hurting the way it does. Im annoyed by it, I really am. It is doing nothing but getting worse, but what do i do? There is no color change, no swelling, just hurting. I guess I have to live with it. It just makes me wonder. I am so scared there is something else going on in there, but the hospital said my legs were clear of clots. I am trying to walk more....but the more depressed I get over money and things like that, the more I dont want to do anything....so it just makes it harder. I really hate being an adult at times....I really do.

Hopefully we will have some good news soon. Until then TTC#2 is on hold...Ill keep everyone updated on that. Life.

DONT EAT THE CAT FOOD......again

Anyone else have a cat/dog food eater running around your house? UGH! Xavier has been doing this nasty habit since he got teeth. He has always been interested in the cat food...its like we don't feed him and the lovely smell of cat food just tempts him?! LOL. What do kids see in this awfulness? The smell doesn't even make me want to try it. It just stinks! What would make a kid that wont even eat his veggies put this in his mouth and actually get it down? Its my wonder today....since I got a chewed up piece of cat food thrown at me. UGH. I am to the point that I don't even tell him not to do it...well at least not while he is in the process. Seriously, I used to be like "dont even go near it" now Im like "if you wanna eat it, eat it" Is that bad? LMAO! It isnt going to hurt him. Im not feeding it to him, but Im sure enough not going to waste my breath saying "Xavier dont eat the cat food" a million times a day. I will correct him if he is throwing it at me (lol) or trying to get the crap out of his mouth. Then I will say "are you going to eat that gross stuff again" and I usually get a head shake "yes". UGH. Some might say I am wrong for doing what I do.......please feel free to tell me how wrong/right I am.......but if you tell me how wrong i am please also tell me how I should stop it!

Shhh....what is that I hear.....

Quiet.......





That is what I heard all evening....thanks to my wonderful husband. He took Xavier with him to his friends to watch WWE. Once a month WWE holds a Pay Per View, and that his Andrews friends excuse to get together since they are so busy and have "adult" lives now. So once a month they get together, and now Xavier is joining the "guys night out" and I love it. Because I get a quiet Sunday home alone. I havent had a night like this in months, and I really enjoyed myself. I got some things done for my digital kits, and I got caught up on emails, and stuff like that...and I have also got caught up on some of my TV watching.

I was never a "Sex and the City" kinda gal when it was popular, but it comes on at 10am in the morning, and sometimes Xavier will be playing and not paying attention so I would put it on and watch it while I have my morning coffee....well I am addicted. Why did I not discover this show years ago. Well I now DVR it everyday and watch it during nap time or any chance I get when Xavier isnt around. That is the greatest show ever. I really need to watch the movie. I am trying to watch as many shows as i can (which has been a lot) before I watch the movie....but I am such a fan, and I swear its the greatest show ever. Plain and simple.....EVER! If you disagree with me, then you are not a human women! hahaha. (just joking....sorta)

So I admit, I facebook stalk people. I wish I could post pictures of people that I stalk on here, but of course I wouldnt do that, but its great. People that were soo different in high school are completely different now. Then you have the people that never change. It amuses me. I am sure that I have a few stalkers too...but I am pretty boring, so Im sure that I dont get stalked too much.

Well, my 2 favorite guys should be walking through the door at any minute....and I am really excited to see them. I will blog more tomorrow.

Cross your fingers the Pennsylvania passes the State Budget this week....I really need the money soon! I think I am going to say that in every blog until it passes or something happens. Ill keep you posted. I will blog more tomorrow.