Jumping into this.

I figure I would jump right into blogging. Im sitting here going crazy. Andrew and I have been sorta trying for a new baby for a few months. I say "sorta" because we are just having fun with it, since we know 100% this will be our last pregnancy. Well, my period is the norm....every 28 days. Its always like clock work. Well of course this month, I am 3 days late. I have been testing every morning with the dollar store tests...believe me, they work...I got results a week early with Xavier. Well, no period, negative on all the tests. I have been stressed this week for the normal reasons...money, all that adult stuff. Usually stress doesnt bother me like that. Well, I am really hoping that I get a postive pregnancy test and good ol'auntie stays away, but Im starting to think its just stress. I dont know if its "our time" yet. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish in even wanting another baby. I mean, Andrew and I have a perfect baby.....we couldnt ask for more. With the chances we are taking in having another one, is it worth it. I ask myself that from time to time. I mean, am I really ready to give myself shots in my tummy throughout the whole pregnancy. Im scared. I know I can do it because I have done it before...but what if I get the morning sickness like I did with Xavier. I mean, I had morning sickness soo bad for 18 weeks, I lost 20lbs. I couldnt keep anything down but cheez-its, everyone thought Xavier was going to come out square and orange. I mean, with that morning sickness I know I couldnt give myself those shots, it would probably make me puke. UGH. Maybe I would have Andrews mom do it since she is a nurse and lives acrossed the street from me, or maybe even show Andrew how to do it? I dont know, I guess its something I really should start thinking about. Its little things like that, that makes me wonder "am i really ready for a 2nd child". I know I am ready, but am i READY for everything that is going to go into this pregnancy. Its a hard decision, and one that I am ready to make, I just know this pregnancy is going to be harder then Xavier...even if I dont have the morning sickness. Im just rambling on and on, but these are the thoughts that I have. As I sit here not knowing if I have a little one growing inside me, or if AF is just playing a dirty little joke on me....I wonder.....wonder.....wonder.....


Nikki