I feel like the world is going is fast forward lately, and my broke butt is sitting still. It is like I am sitting here waiting on the state to decide when they want to pass this budget so I can get paid. Im still not getting paid, and its really starting to hurt. It really is, I have no idea what we are going to do if something isnt done soon. Im sick of wondering when someone is going to do something. Then I sit here and think of the day cares that are not getting paid, there is always someone worse then me....and I try to remember that. As I try to remember that, my selfish side thinks "who cares" because the bill collectors are not going to excuse me because there is someone worse then me. lol.
Another worry I have is this G-20 summit is coming to Pittsburgh next week. I am so sick of hearing about it, but I just want it to get here and be done with. They are preparing so much for it, and all the security. Ugh...I just dont want the protests to be like they were at the last one in England (I think it was there). Then I do the craziest thing. I told everyone "We are not leaving the house those days...blah blah blah" I made Xavier and I doctor appts for next Thursday, the first day of it. Lovely. I had to though because Andrew took vacation days because of all this craziness...and that is the only time that I could get the doctor appointments out of the way. Lovely.
I am nervous about my doctor appt. I keep having a pain in my abdomen. I have myself convinced that I have Pancreatic Cancer...and now that Patrick Swayzie died, and that is all I am hearing about it makes me more nervous. I honestly think that it is a hernia from when I had my Gallbladder out, but I am still nervous because I have been soo tired lately and I just dont feel like doing anything. Then that can be from being broke and just being depressed about that. I always think something bad is wrong with me ever since I had the clots. I think of the worst because I always think "what else could go wrong with me." I hate it. I am wondering what is wrong with me though. I have more then a week to wait, and its killing me to see what my doctor says. He is probably going to think I am crazy. I know he is going to yell at me because I have gained weight and not lost any, but that goes with me not wanting to do anything, Im lucky I get dressed some days. I am on Zoloft, and I honestly dont think it is working, I either need more or I need something different. Another thing that I dont have is a sex drive. It seriously is just not there. It is not anything to do with Andrew or anything like that, it is just me. I hate it. I think I need a different kinda med...so that is another thing that I need to talk to the doctor about. Sucks.
Okay, I am going to go chill out with Xavier. I have cramps from hell today and I just want to lay on the couch, but I know Xavier is not going to let me do that because he is just in a bad mood today. I hope me and him both can nap....I want to take a long long long nap. lol.