Saturday, August 15, 2009


Im sorta disappointed...but then again I know things will happen when the time is you can tell....5 days lovely monthly visitor came today. I figured it would...but I was hoping it wouldnt. I mean, 5 days late, it never does that...never ever ever late...and not that late at all! Oh well, I am thankful I have the worlds greatest husband, and the best little boy ever. I honestly couldnt be more thankful and more happy about that. I ust keep telling myself when the time is right our family will expand. I am trying not to think about it or dwell on it that bad, because if I did that, I wouldnt enjoy the this time with Andrew and Xavier.

On a positive not, we took Xavier to the water spray park in our area today. It was soo fun, Xavier had a blast. I loved watching him run around and play. At first he wasnt sure about all......he just stood there, but then he watched what all the other little kids were doing and he started. I think Andrew and I were more tired from chasing after him. He wore himself out though....he really did. Its 10pm and this boy is passed out right in the middle of us. He is going to go in his bed tonight, I bet he makes it all night in his room, that is how tired he is. Usually around 5am he wonders in with Andrew and I. Its soo cute watching him come in with his blankie or stuffed animal (or both). I love it.

I am going to enjoy some of this quiet time, it is rare that X is sleep at 10pm on a Saturday night, so I am going to enjoy it with Andrew. Maybe there is something interesting on TV (yea right).



My period is still MIA! What is up with that? I have no idea where she can be hiding out at. I woke up this morning with a huge headache and I figured she would be showing her face, nothing...and to top it off I am still getting negative tests. I have no idea what can be going on. Im like 4-5 days late. I am NEVER late. I dont think I have ever been late (besides when I was pregnant with X) since I started my period when i was 10 years old. Hmmmm.

Today we are going to the "water spray park" with Xavier. He is going to have soo much fun. I have never been to one, and they put one in around our area and its fun is that. Its going up to like 88 degrees today, so I know we are all going to be enjoying the water. I am going to take lotta pix, so I will add some to my blog for everyone to enjoy, and you can finally put a picture to everyone I am talking about.

Tomorrow is our Niece's birthday. She is going to be 2. I babysit her during the week. I am going out later tonight to get her a gift. She has been carrying around Xaviers stuffed Captin Kurt doll (dont ask....someone got it out of a grab machine and gave it to him) so I figure the little girl needs a babydoll. What amazed me, I went to the Walmart website and they do not carry Cabbage Patch. I thought everyone carried them. Then I looked up toys r us, same thing. TARGET is the only one that I can find that carries a good amount of cabbage patch dolls. I couldnt believe it. I am so happy I looked it up or else I would be running around tonight...and I am just not in the mood to do that.

Time for me to jump in the shower and get ready to take this boy to the park. I think I am more excited then anyone!!!


Friday, August 14, 2009

Lucky Me.

I am sitting at my parents. I just want to dad has no sense in how we raise Xavier. We have him on a schedule for breakfast/lunch/dinner, naps, pretty much everything, and he doesnt understand the fact that once he is off of it, it screws us up for days. He is ignorant to everything. I ask him not to do something, and he does it anyway....he doesnt understand that we do things differently....and Xavier is turning out pretty darn good as the result. I just cant take it here. I stay here a lot of Thursday nights that way we are here all day Friday....and Andrew comes past and picks us up once he is off work. Im really rethinking all this because it honestly only causes me more stress that I dont need right now. I just cant take it.

As for my period....its still not here. I dont know where its at, I dont know whats going on. I woke up feeling as if I was going to get it, but NOTHING. I have no idea what to think about the whole situation. I dont want to set myself up for disappointment. I am still thinking it is going to come...if I start thinking its not going to come and it does I think I will be nothing but sad. So I am just waiting....I will probably test again tomorrow morning if it of course is still MIA. Keep your fingers crossed for me that something happens...either way...just so we arent driving ourselves crazy playing guessing games.

Well time to make the best of this day at my moms with a million other thoughts running through my mind. lucky me. ugh.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

Jumping into this.

I figure I would jump right into blogging. Im sitting here going crazy. Andrew and I have been sorta trying for a new baby for a few months. I say "sorta" because we are just having fun with it, since we know 100% this will be our last pregnancy. Well, my period is the norm....every 28 days. Its always like clock work. Well of course this month, I am 3 days late. I have been testing every morning with the dollar store tests...believe me, they work...I got results a week early with Xavier. Well, no period, negative on all the tests. I have been stressed this week for the normal, all that adult stuff. Usually stress doesnt bother me like that. Well, I am really hoping that I get a postive pregnancy test and good ol'auntie stays away, but Im starting to think its just stress. I dont know if its "our time" yet. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish in even wanting another baby. I mean, Andrew and I have a perfect baby.....we couldnt ask for more. With the chances we are taking in having another one, is it worth it. I ask myself that from time to time. I mean, am I really ready to give myself shots in my tummy throughout the whole pregnancy. Im scared. I know I can do it because I have done it before...but what if I get the morning sickness like I did with Xavier. I mean, I had morning sickness soo bad for 18 weeks, I lost 20lbs. I couldnt keep anything down but cheez-its, everyone thought Xavier was going to come out square and orange. I mean, with that morning sickness I know I couldnt give myself those shots, it would probably make me puke. UGH. Maybe I would have Andrews mom do it since she is a nurse and lives acrossed the street from me, or maybe even show Andrew how to do it? I dont know, I guess its something I really should start thinking about. Its little things like that, that makes me wonder "am i really ready for a 2nd child". I know I am ready, but am i READY for everything that is going to go into this pregnancy. Its a hard decision, and one that I am ready to make, I just know this pregnancy is going to be harder then Xavier...even if I dont have the morning sickness. Im just rambling on and on, but these are the thoughts that I have. As I sit here not knowing if I have a little one growing inside me, or if AF is just playing a dirty little joke on me....I wonder.....wonder.....wonder.....


Caught up.

I thought I would start a blog, just to document how I feel...kinda like a little outlet. Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Nikki, I have been married to the love of my life, Andrew, for a little over 3 years. We had our first little boy, Xavier, on Feb 15th, 2008. He is the love of our lives. We just couldnt of asked for a better little boy, I swear he is our everything.

A month after I had Xavier (I had him c-section) I developed a pain in my leg. I couldnt walk but I just thought it had to do with the c-section. To make a long story short (if you want the whole story, please feel free to email me) I developed a DVT in my leg from my groin to my knee (blood clot) and a piece of that broke off and I had a Pulmonary Embolism (clot in my lung.) I almost didnt make it, after 4 days in ICU, getting an IVC Filter in my vein, and getting my blood thin enough to come home....I 12 day stay in the hosital I was released. I was on Coumadin for almost a year, and finally got my IVC Fliter out....and now I am healthy. Although the scary thoughts of everything returning haunts me every day of my life.

I am a stay at home mommy to Xavier. I also watch my niece during the week. I love it, and I couldnt ask for a better job.

My doctor tells me that if I get pregnant again, I will have to take shots of Heparin in my belly every 8 hours (i dont know the full details of that yet). Andrew and I talked it over and are really willing to do whatever is possible to give Xavier a playmate. Yes, some people think I should wait a few more years, I think those people are just scared of what happened to me before. The time is right for Andrew and I to start trying...which we have been for a few months for another baby. We dont want my doctors to downplay what happened to me before, or else, have to get new doctors years down the we think this is the right time to start trying to have a baby.

This blog is going to be my thoughts, and tries. I am not going to hold anything back. I want everyone that has gone through a DVT/Pulmonary Embolism that wants to get pregnant again to have someone to look up to, and to go to for questions and just follow. I want everyone that has had this happen to them know there is hope and anything is possible as long as you put your mind to it!