Truely Happy.

In my health/science class we are talking about the effects of being obese and how it can cause you to die early yada yada yada. Someone in my class posted how her sister is obese and they are always getting on her to lose weight and watch what she eats. This women also goes on to say how she knows this women is not happy and is faking her happiness. I of course had to respond. I have been overweight all my life...big deal, I have always been healthy, all my tests have come out good, blood pressure fine and I was always happy with myself. I never had a problem getting boyfriends, I was always happy with myself. I loved being "thick". When I saw someone writing an assumption that an overweight/obese person could not be happy with themselves it just made me so angry. This lady also brought up the fact that over weight women could not find cute clothes. I always find cute clothes...they might be a few sizes bigger but who cares? I wrote back stating that I find cute clothes and that assuming that someones size measures their happiness is just ignorant. Do not get me wrong, everyone gets into a funk every now and then about their size...you can be a size 0 or size 26 and still get like that, but your size should not effect your overall happiness. I also truely believe that you can be overweight or obese and still be healthy. I was all those years, my blood pressure was always normal and such. It was not until recently that my blood pressure started going up, I got blood clots after my c-section and little things like that, that my weight started to concern me...which is why I am meeting with a surgeon tomorrow about gastric bypass. I am only doing that for health reasons, not appearance. I truely could be the size that I am for the rest of my life and be happy...but I do want to be around for my son as long as possible and also be around for my husband.

I think overall I just can not stand ignorant people. Once I do get my surgery and lose some weight, I am not going to be one of those judge mental people that assume "fat people" are depressed. It is just simply not true, and wrong. I will always stand up for the overweight because I have been there. I am there right now. Judging someone by their weight is the same as judging someone by their race, their height, anything like that....and it is just simply uncalled for, and makes you look like an ignorant piece of shit. (oops did i say that)


Nikki

Not as easy as I though...

I am so bummed out. I had my first mid-terms in what, 10 years...the first one I took, it is a class that I should of got 100% on, of course I got a C. I was bummed with my C but I could accept it. I took my other test yesterday. I studied my ass off for it, and what did I get....D! How the heck. I took soooo many notes and read my chapters, I knew it and I got a D. Lovely. I think I am more embarrassed then anything because I thought going back to school was going to come easy for me, and that is not the case. I was never a good test taker, I thought after all these years I would get better, but I guess that is just not the case. I am going to have to learn how to study all over again. I think for finals I am going to have to make myself flash cards and stuff like that. I am going to go get stuff tonight and start writing down stuff that I remember on the midterms because I figure if they are on the midterms they will be on the finals too. I just cant believe I did that. I really thought I was going to do good. I am really disappointed. The only good thing, I do feel disappointment and I just don't let it go...I really am learning from my mistakes. I know that I am paying to go to school, its a choice and not like high school where I felt I HAD to be there, I am doing this all on my own, so I am trying to get the best experience, and I want to show everyone that I can do it. I am happy I am hard on myself. Now I just have to be hard on myself for the rest of the class so I keep doing good in my assignments and going to class that way I hopefully can even out my grades.

Everyone thinks that because the midterm is online you can "cheat". I do use my notes, but its not like you can go back and reread the chapters while doing the test, and also the way they word the questions you cant just google the answer, you have to know what they are talking about. It is hard to explain. Another thing, I wouldnt want to cheat in the first place. I am paying to get an education, not to cheat. I want to take the tests on my own and know where my weaknesses are and what I have to learn from. Does that make sense? Sometimes I guess you have to do bad, in order to learn. I am learning.

This past weekend my aunts had an easter egg hunt for all of use older kids...when I say older kids, the youngest was 22...hahahaha. They got prizes and we fought for eggs. I got bit, licked, and wedgied for eggs. They had cheap prizes, money, lotto tickets in the eggs it was fun. Just imagine a bunch of Pollocks running around for easter eggs 3 weeks after easter...and that is my family. HAHA. We all couldnt get together for easter, so we did it late. Ya, Pollock easter egg hunt...shut up! hahaha.

I go this Wednesday to meet with the surgeon that is hopefully going to do my Gastric Bypass surgery in months to come. I am just starting my 6 months, but I am going to meet with him to see if it is even possible for me to get the surgery and to see if it is in my best interest to get it. I hope he says it is but I do realize that I might not be able to get it because I had the Pulmonary Embolism and DVT after my c-section. It is proven though, the better shape you are in the less likely a blood clot is likely to happen again...so I am hoping that is in my favor. I guess I will just have to wait and see Wednesday. I am nervous. I never thought I would want to get a surgery, I was always against "selective" surgeries, but this one is for my health and well being, and also for my family so I am 100% willing to do it. Dont think I am doing it for anyone but me, my family loves me no matter what, this is my decision, but my family is going to have the benefits of it also.

Okay, time for me to go watch some Diego with Xavier. I love this show. Diego and Dora has helped Xavier with his speech so much I cant complain about them.


Nikki

2 Year Celebration

It feels so good this morning to wake up....2 years ago today I was diagnosed with a Pulmonary Embolism and DVT....I was in ICU for 4 days, but I got through it...and I am here today. I am so thankful for Allegheny General Hospital for finding my blood clots and getting me through everything. They were wonderful, they even made sure I was in a private room that was cleaned down with bleach so that I could have my 1 month old at the time come up every night to see me. If it wasn't for that hospital I believe that I wouldnt be here today. This is my day of celebration, and the way I do it is with a few martini's tonight, and I cant wait! :)

I have had so much go on the past week...I am just so thankful for everything. My birthday was this past Monday, I turned 27. Nothing big, I dont feel like I am "old" but it was the first birthday that I realized I am getting older. To me age is nothing but a number, it doesnt mark who you are, but it shows maturity. I dont mind my age one bit, but I do realize that I am almost 30...I am married and have the best little boy on the planet. Its just so weird. It seems like yesterday I was in high school and said there was no way I would ever be able to settle down with just one man, and of course I never wanted kids (lol). That has all changed, I have grown so much, and I love it. I love my life and where I am right now. I feel like I have the best. I wouldnt change anything for the world.

I do have something BIG that is going on in my life. I went to the doctor on my birthday and I have decided to see a surgeon and start planning my gastric bypass surgery. YES, I said it...I am getting gastric bypass. I have been working with my PCP for over a year trying to lose weight and the only thing that I have been doing is gaining. I wasnt going to tell anyone about the surgery because I was embarrassed, but the more I think about it and the more I talk about it, I am not embarrassed.I am not doing it for cosmetic reasons, I dont have a planned weight that I even want to be. I just want to be healthy for my son. My blood pressure is starting to go up, and I just need to do this for me. My hubby loves me no matter what, and of course he said he would stand by me no matter what. I have an appointment with a surgeon at the end of April, and I am starting my 6 month diet and what not. There is soo much that goes into everything with this surgery, so I know I will be sharing everything on this blog. I dont want to turn this blog into my gastric bypass blog, it is still going to be my mommy blog, but of course since it is apart of my life now I will be mentioning everything that is going on. Its very exciting for me. I cant wait to meet with the surgeon and get this show on the road! (lol)

WHOA....okay, that is what has been going on with me. I am going to make my way to the liqueur store and get my stuff for my celebration martini's tonight...I am sure to post pix. This is my favorite day of the year!


Nikki