- this close to going insane today

I just do not have time to be a stay at home mom, I mean, I do not have time to do stay at home mom chores! haha. (like im soo busy) but I seriously am. I just looked ahead on my last 3 weeks of classes...and I have a lot of readings to do. The readings wouldn't be so bad, but I am the type that takes notes on EVERYTHING...well I looked ahead and the week of my finals...each class has me reading 2 chapters. I just don't have time to take all these notes! SO....I am trying to get all my classwork for the week done today...that way I can get a head start on my upcoming readings. Geesh, is there anyway that I can mute my toddler and get this stuff done? Then as I am sitting here trying to do this Xavier gets this bright idea that he just needs to stop playing and sit on my lap. Its never ending of not getting stuff done. If I can just pause life around me and I can sit here for 2 hours and get stuff done life would be wonderful. Or if I can hire a maid and a nanny to work around me while I do school work....lol....but then what would be the point of me staying home!

I know I could clean this whole living room in about 1/2 hour...but yet I am still sitting here, maybe I should just do it and get it over with and just hope to goodness it still looks clean when Andrew gets home...or maybe I should just wait and do it later this afternoon when there is a better chance of it looking clean, but I like a clean house when I am studying. Shit, maybe I should just take a nap and forget everything. lol.

Xavier has this new thing that makes me crazy, he picks up random stuff around the house and when I go to take it away from him he puts it close to him and says "its mine" and then runs. He has to know how mad it makes me, seriously I want to scream as soon as I hear "its mine". Im like "that tampon is not yours" I say things throughout the day that I never thought I would ever say. I never thought I would have to say "tuck your penis back in" or "when your penis sticks up like that you will pee in your face" seriously?!



Nikki

Did I brush my teeth today?

Have you ever had a day that has been so busy that you stop in the middle of the day and say "did I brush my teeth this morning?" Ugh. This being a stay at home mom thing is really hard, and is really starting to take a toll on me. Do not get me wrong, I love it...I love being home with my little one all day and all that fun stuff, but I do need some adult interaction. I just said "get out of my purse" a total of 5 times in a row and then screamed it until I got the boys attention. Seriously, I do not know how I am still sane. My husband doesn't get why sometimes I just need to leave when he gets home and go for a drive. I actually go walk around Walgreens. I am surprised they haven't asked me why I spend so much time there. I just need that quiet time. I seriously sometimes just scream at the top of my lungs sometimes, then Xavier looks at me like I am crazy. Now he just laughs when I do it. Am I the only stay at home mom that feels this way?!

CLEANING! I am fed up. I don no even want to do it anymore. What is the point, I can clean my whole house in the morning then by the time Andrew gets home it looks like I have done nothing. Seriously, if anyone walked in my house right now they would think that I have not cleaned at all....but I did....and that is what ticks me off. Seriously, this place is crazy messy and I can not take it much more. I am sick of cleaning cleaning cleaning. What the fuck is the point when it just gets messy again.

Wonder why I am crazy? My son just pushed the screen out of the window and I am just sitting here watching him. I know he cant crawl out so why the hell should I get up and fix it? He is terrified of bugs, I hope a huge ass spider comes crawling in, then I wont have to waste my breath on telling him not to touch.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


okay.
nikki